Introduction

Touch --> duality --> contact --> relation/relationship --> closeness, intimacy --> care, community --> survival

(Word association: arrows stand for implications)

This is an attempt at thinking about care and the formation of community, specifically online, through sound. ASMR is used as a case study and as a springboard for generating thought. Looking at the effects of ASMR, I investigate sound as touch. My perspective is largely informed by authors such as Preciado, specifically his concept of pharmacopornographic regime which serves as a basis for the context, and helps me answer the question of why there is a need to focus on care on community, woven with a metaphor of trauma as virus.[1]

I infuse my ASMR with the theories of Schafer and Oliveros around the experience of sound, combined with Haraway’s general ethos of interspecies care and hope, of creating the stories we wish to bring into the world around us.[2] I’m interested in reconfiguring our relations with human and non-human inhabitants of earth, because I believe it is in our best interest, considering the fact that we’re heading towards an environmental catastrophe. Regardless of that, I believe the catastrophe is already here, and we need to start addressing these issues now. Sound is just one way to do that.

The form is largely inspired by auto-theory and speculative fiction.[3] I weave in a stream of consciousness style story (italicised) – a story about writing stories, full of beginnings and questions throughout to explore thoughts, and use my own experience of ASMR and making ASMR videos to generate knowledge.

1. Why care?

Why is care, connection and intimacy important? Other than it being necessary for humans, I think it’s important considering the context we’re in. I think about trauma as virus, and how the world we’re living in is a reflection of the accumulation thereof. To answer this question, I will give an overview of our current context, as it illuminates the motivations behind my work.

We’re living in the pharmacopornographic regime (as described in Testo-Junkie), with power-over and destruction being the main driving force of society (a concept explored in Dreaming the Dark). With climate change being as it is now, our time left is short. If we want to save ourselves, we’re going to have to start taking care of each other, of the earth, and that includes everyone (Staying with the Trouble). I believe the level of technology we have now can be used to reconfigure our relationship with the world if we focus our energy on making our systems more efficient. Aside from environmental developments, we need to be focusing on each other, we need to mobilise tech to connect to each other in meaningful ways.

I think care is important in the context of apocalyptic thinking – not a cynical, nihilistic kind of “the apocalypse is coming so nothing matters”, but to foster a sense of urgency, to enjoy life and work collectively to make a change while we still can. This sense of urgency is present in queer communities as a form of survival. Apocalyptic thinking and urgency are things I will explore in my report in terms of how to care.

It’s important to start with context, to set the scene, to understand the importance of the matter, and in the case of what I’m talking about, to produce a sense of urgency. Urgency and survival go hand in hand, and in this apocalyptic story, we survive. Perhaps not the way we are now, and probably not our culture and lifestyles, but some element of humanness persists through adaptation. One thing that should survive is care – a radical tool that holds power, a kind of power that has been systematically suppressed, but not wiped out – power from within.

Trauma as Virus

How does trauma accumulate over centuries? I keep trying to trace back to the original trauma, the first catalyst that spiralled this sequence of harmful energetic exchanges. A snowballing of interactions across centuries, crystallising into the oppressive institutions of power we live with today. These institutions do not reflect what should truly be valued – diverse forms of life. Governments should be looking after their people, helping us all thrive.

I want to write a story about collective trauma as cause of power-over, or the dominant structure/mode of governing life.[4] I think it would be useful to use the metaphor of trauma as virus. Known as “organisms at the edge of life”[5], viruses spread through contact, reproducing in living organisms. They evolve, learning to adapt to cures.  

There are many directions I can take this metaphor, e.g. vaccines are a method of prevention, a way to live with them without getting hurt – we can’t deny trauma as part of our nature, it’s important to carry it forward, and ultimately there is no cure. [6] But we can prevent viruses, the cycling of trauma, through our actions, through being aware. I could also focus on the liveness of them – as something trying to survive just as we are, it’s not their intention to hurt…

If we look at trauma as a virus, not to justify or forgive the actions of colonists and the harbingers of patriarchy, but as something to help understand what needs to be addressed today, we can target a source of oppression directly.[7] To be clear, I’m talking about the trauma of those who are most privileged in our society, the ones who uphold institutions. Trauma as woven into the fabric of power-over.

Gender roles --> trauma --> power-over --> patriarchy/pharmacopornographic regime/apocalypse.[8]

racism, transphobia, climate change, war…these are all symptoms of a sickness that has infiltrated our collective consciousness and has somehow made its way into our power structures, our institutions. There is a major error in our system, but life keeps running, the code compiles because it benefits the people in power. They’ve hacked it so they win. But there is no real victory when domination is the mode of work, when we’re at war with ourselves.

Apocalyptic-thinking

apocalypse - to uncover. imminent end of the world. the ultimate end.[10]

but from death comes birth. what can we let die, to feed what? what do we want to birth?

My story is apocalyptic, but not part of the lineage of Anthropocene. Yes, humans play the main role in the play of earthly destruction, but we need to restage our perspective if we want the narrative to change. My perspective comes from Earth magic, an ethics that traces back to a time when humans lived in symbiosis with all that is without – flora, fauna and the land.

The apocalypse began within us. The outside has been catching up, because the universe is fractal in nature – what is within is reflected in what is without. The kind of apocalypse I’m talking about is slow, though in recent years it has been speeding up and will continue to do so exponentially unless we interrupt its course, unless we choose another timeline.

Apocalyptic-thinking is a perspective, a mode of generating thought and action, a process developed through working on this project. It’s about being aware of what’s going on in the world, mainly socially, politically and environmentally.[11] It is hopeful by nature, standing in antithesis with Anthropocene, an ally of Haraway’s Chthulucene. It uses imaginative ways of thinking about the world we’re in, storytelling as a method of bringing about the re-writing of narratives and oppressive structures. Trying to create an ‘optimistically dystopian’ perspective of the world to foster a sense of urgency, the key to our survival that will get us to think about the future and bring about about action.[12]

How do we live today if we know that tomorrow is not guaranteed? Through an awareness of what was burned in the past to create soil for institutions to be rooted, what fires can be lit from beneath us today? And how can this be a torch into our unknown future?

i feel like i’m in a strange position cause i don’t really care about humanity continuing to exist, and i know the earth will be ok even if there was a big cataclysm, so that’s not the point of my story. the point is, there is suffering going on now, institutional mass-suffering is the apocalypse, and i want my story to bring hope, make people feel like we can change that. because i think we have the resources and technology to enact a big shift in how we live, we just need a change of perspective, to connect to a different system of values.

my story is about survival. its about the people that do survive the apocalypse. what kind of world do they decide to build? and how do we build a piece of that, here and now? how does this story relate to sound? it is one out of many practices that is affective in a way that can reach many people/many at once. we’re living in a physical and digital time, sound works in both realms. What potential does it hold? what are its affects?

[1] Pharmacopornographic regime - “a biomolecular (pharmaco) and semiotictechnical (pornographic) government of sexual subjectivity”; essentially the “war-porn-drug-prison complex”.  Preciado, Paul B. Testo Junkie: Sex, Drugs, and Biopolitics in the Pharmacopornographic Era. Feminist Press at the City University of New York, 2017.

[2] Haraway, Donna Jeanne. Staying with the Trouble.

[3] Inspired by Haraway and Preciado.

[4] "Power-over" refers to domination and control - “Having reshaped culture in a martial image, the institutions and ideologies of power-over perpetuate war so that it becomes a chronic human condition…In its clearest form, power-over is the power of the prison guard, of the gun, power that is ultimately backed by force.”

It the antithesis of "power-from-within" - "Power-from-within is akin to the sense of mastery we develop as young children with each new unfolding ability: the exhilaration of standing erect, of walking, of speaking the magic words that convey our needs and thoughts... Although power-over rules the systems we live in, power-from-within sustains our lives. We can feel that power in acts of creation and connection, in planting, building, writing, cleaning, healing, soothing, playing, singing, making love. We can feel it in acting together with others to oppose control."
Starhawk. Dreaming the Dark: Magic, Sex, and Politics. Beacon Press, 1997.

[5] Rybicki, Edward. “The Classification of Organisms at the Edge of Life or Problems with Virus Systematic.” South African Journal of Science, vol. 86, 1990, pp. 182–186., https://www.researchgate.net/profile/Ed_Rybicki/publication/230603479_The_classification_of_organisms_at_the_edge_of_life_or_problems_with_virus_systematics/links/02bfe514713eeebb6f000000.pdf

[6] It’s important to stay with the trouble. Haraway, Donna Jeanne. Staying with the Trouble.

[7] This isn’t something I have time to get into here, but in summary,

[8] “the traumatic effects of a violent biopolitical system of sex, gender, sexuality, and race” Preciado, Testo-Junkie p.379

[9] “Apocalypse | Definition of Apocalypse in English by Oxford Dictionaries.” Oxford Dictionaries | English, Oxford Dictionaries, en.oxforddictionaries.com/definition/apocalypse.

[10] What is going on? PHARMACOPORNOGRAPHIC REGIME!!

[11] Balster, Trisha. “AYESHA TAN-JONES: A VIBRANT DYSTOPIA.” INDIE Magazine, 29 Nov. 2017, indie-mag.com/2017/11/ayesha-tan-jones-interview/.

2. How care?

Sound, specifically ASMR. Exploring different ways of practicing and sharing care – care as something you do. ASMR as creative and care practice. Why sound as opposed to visual arts or anything else? Because of the physicality of it – it doesn’t lose its touching quality through digitisation. We’re already used to a distance when engaging with sound. If we’re at a gig, we’re listening to the amps, not the live performer (usually). So we can feel just as satisfied, if not more, when we’re listening from the comfort of our home. 

The sense of hearing is innately intimate – it is a drawing inward, “a way for touching from a distance”.[1] Focusing on ASMR as a sound practice is a way “to think with touch”, looking into the connectedness of all things, digital community.[2]

Finding new/reconfiguring relationships with our senses through tech --> new art forms --> new groups/communities. New sounds --> new ways to connect.

ASMR

ASMR, or autonomous sensory meridian response describes a tingling feeling in response to triggers, mostly sonic, and is often accompanied by a rush of euphoria and a sense of calm.[3]

“In this context, autonomous means that the individual possesses the ability to facilitate or produce the sensation at will. Sensory refers to the transmission of information through the nervous system and brain in response to an external trigger, and the individual's simultaneous perception of this feedback with the senses. Meridian means the highest point or apex, and is also an antiquated term for euphoria… Response is how the individual reacts to a triggering stimulus or thought.[4]

ASMR is generally used with a particular purpose in mind - to relax, to assist with insomnia and headaches, to help with loneliness, or simply for pleasure.[5] It is mainly a self-reported phenomenon, but that’s what interesting to me – you don’t need scientific proof for it to form a community. The point is, people bond over common experience.

Sound as Touch, or [Sound] Me What Your Heart Feels Like[6]

A crystal glass shattering upon impact with a singing voice

Someone whisper-singing a lullaby as you drift off to sleep

An activist giving a speech at a demonstration

A frequency so low it isn’t heard, but suddenly you feel sick[7]

A song so moving it gives you goosebumps

The ringing of tinnitus keeping you awake at night after a gig

The sound of your heartbeat, echoing your mother’s which soothed you when you were a baby, falling asleep on her chest so often that it was the only way you could sleep for a while…

(inspired by Bennett’s listing technique in Vibrant Matters, a list of feelings related to sound as touch)[8]

Though sound is the movement of particles and has no matter of its own, it is very much a physical thing, touching us both literally and metaphorically (as explored in the list above). ASMR is a clear example of how sound is not separate from touch – its effects on the body include tingles, goosebumps, a rush around the head and/or neck akin to an orgasm.

“In the case of Whispering, however, sound is transduced into touch, and the taut membranes of the listener’s headphones become coterminous with his own skin.” [9]

My voice reaches through headphones to make contact with your eardrums, a tickle travelling through your skull, erecting your hair, emerging as goosebumps on your arm; an amplified closeness that would not even be possible without first being converted into data. Different from the heat of my breath on your skin, but touching nevertheless …

Andersen speaks about how ASMR is (reluctantly) placed in the category of non-standard intimacy, because the affective charge of ASMR arises without typical ideas of closeness (e.g. physical proximity, romantic involvement of two individuals), especially because the effects range from relaxation to eroticism (as the tingly sensation is perceived as potentially orgasmic), and on a public scale, with strangers.[10] For some people, it’s a way to provide non-sexual intimacy.[11] However, despite its non-normative nature, the convention of ASMR videos can be critiqued by on its reliance heteronormative scenarios of care provided by women to create their affective charge.[12] I believe this has recently been changing as the amount of men in ASMR is increasing and the narratives/premises of videos are getting very creative.[13]

Through uploading and watching ASMR content, people with a common experience created an online community for themselves. Beyond the actual narrative of the video e.g role-playing care services, the act of uploading ASMR videos provides a form of care and intimacy in itself, as the intention is to provide a pleasurable experience. And this is where the power of ASMR lies – an embodied experience explored, and the formation of a community centred around it, online. The amplification/digitisation of sound is precisely why it works, it makes soft sounds extra audible, allowing all the textures and nuances to shine through. It is mostly thanks to Youtube, amongst other forums/platforms, that the phenomenon became as widespread as it is.

ASMR unifies the physical and the digital as a result of its bodily affects, but the point is not to replace physical intimacy – it’s more about opening up the field of experience to endless variations and options, allowed people to express themselves, and directly engage with other members of the community, even giving them a certain amount of creative control through commenting on what they want to see more of.

My first ASMR video was a whispered guided meditation in which I ask listeners to imagine being in a body of water, my intention being to help people relax, connect to themselves and feel self-love.[14] Mindfulness practices crossed with ASMR is not a novel combination – as described above, they both involve a focused state of mind through being present. Meditation is a focusing on the breath, and ASMR is mostly comprised of quiet sounds – both acting as an anchor for a concentration to achieve a relaxed state. Tapping and whispering are present enough but not distracting, so you need to pay attention. Both require a certain sensitivity, an openness for them to be affective. They require you to be receptive to the sound.

Deep Listening

It seems like a natural progression then to consider the role of listening in how sound can touch. I began researching the work of Pauline Oliveros and noticed that her concept of deep listening could be applied to the experience of ASMR, or at least my experience of it – expanding awareness through focusing on sound and the effects of it on the body, which is also akin to meditation.[15] Oliveros’ sonic meditations are about group experiences, building connection and community, which is another aspect of ASMR explored here. Listening is an observant action – a consent to be touched sonically. Even though we can’t close our ears like we can close our eyes, our brain is constantly choosing not to register certain sounds.[16]

Practice of listening --> heightened awareness --> feeling each other more/empathy --> care?

“to hear physically means that vibrations or waveforms that are within the range of human hearing…to listen is to give attention to what is perceived both acoustically and psychologically”[17]

ASMR can be viewed as a mindfulness practice, as it “involves intentional bringing of one's attention to the internal and external experiences occurring in the present moment and is often taught through a variety of meditation exercises”[18] Listening to ASMR is about focusing exclusively on the “positive emotions triggered by these stimuli”, which is reminiscent of meditation and “perhaps best explains the improvements in mood observed in both depressed and non-depressed participants”[19].

I would like to amplify this meditative aspect through Oliveros’ deep listening – which is “learning to expand the perception of sounds to include the whole space/time continuum of sound – encountering the vastness and complexities as much as possible”. Being able distinguish sounds and sequences in space and time, and “perceive the detail or trajectory of the sound or sequence of sounds”, always returning to or being within the context.[20] Heidi von Gunden breaks this down in her writings on sonic awareness, splitting up the listening into awareness and alertness.

Sonic awareness is defined as “the ability to notice both environmental and musical sound …ideally characterized by a continual alertness to sound and an inclination to be always listening.”[21] Awareness is global, non-linear, and registers sensory, imagined, and remembered information, while attention is focal, occupied with singular or sequential and linear material. Oliveros uses the archetypal symbol of a circle with a centered dot as a model of this relationship, with the circle representing awareness and the dot representing attention (see image above). [22] Listening and awareness are necessary to being aware of what’s going on in the world, our relationships with others, how our actions change what is around and within us. We need to be more aware of what’s affecting us and how we are affecting what is outside to be able to answer to the call of those who need attention and care.

“compassion (spiritual development) and understanding comes from listening impartially to the whole space/time continuum of sound, not just what one is presently concerned about. In this way, discovery and exploration can take place. New fields of thought can be opened and the individual may be expanded and find opportunity to connect in new ways to communities of interest. Practice enhances openness”[23]

“living compassionately requires recognizing and facing our responsibility to the infinitude of the other, welcoming the stranger whose very existence is the possibility of touching and being touched, who gifts us with both the ability to respond and the longing for justice-to-come.”[24]

[1] Schafer, Raymond Murray. “The Soundscape: Our Sonic Environment and the Soundscape.” The Soundscape: Our Sonic Environment and the Soundscape, Destiny Books, 1994.

[2] “To think with touch highlights the problematic nature of separations we have created e.g. subject and object, affect and fact” (P97). Focusing on touch as being co-transformative, blurring the boundaries between individuals (P110). “My engagement with touch remains situated within an exploration of what caring signifies for thinking and knowing in more than human worlds”. “Touching Visions.” Matters of Care Speculative Ethics in More than Human Worlds, by Bellacasa María Puig de la, University of Minnesota Press, 2017.

[3] Del Campo, Marisa A. “Autonomous Sensory Meridian Response (ASMR) and Frisson: Mindfully Induced Sensory Phenomena That Promote Happiness.” Taylor & Francis, 26 Feb. 2016, www.tandfonline.com/doi/10.1080/21683603.2016.1130582.

[4] Ibid.

[5] Ibid.

[6] A reference to last term’s project, Show Me What Your Heart Feels Like.

[7] Goodman, Steve. Sonic Warfare: Sound, Affect, and the Ecology of Fear. MIT Press, 2012.http://mindcontrol-research.net/wp-content/uploads/2016/12/3_goodmann-steve-sonic-warfare.pdf

[8] Bennett, Jane. Vibrant Matter a Political Ecology of Things. Duke University Press, 2010.

[9] Hudelson, Joshua. “Listening to Whisperers: Performance, ASMR Community and Fetish on YouTube.” Sounding Out!, 10 Dec. 2012, soundstudiesblog.com/2012/12/10/whisper-community/.

[10] Andersen, Joceline. “Now You’Ve Got the Shiveries.” Television & New Media, vol. 16, no. 8, 2014, pp. 683–700., doi:https://journals.sagepub.com/doi/10.1177/1527476414556184.

[11] Youtuber itsblitzzz talks about “unsexualised intimacy” in her video *ASMR* VERY RELAXING triggers…
Itsblitzzz, director. *ASMR* VERY RELAXING Triggers for Sleep and Anxiety Relief | Brushing | Tapping | Crinkling. . YouTube, YouTube, 3 July 2018, www.youtube.com/watch?v=9gYwWPXgsGE&t=947s.

[12] Andersen, “Now You’Ve Got the Shiveries.” 

[13] Here is one male ASMRtist I particularly enjoy: PJ Dreams ASMR
PJ Dreams ASMR, Director. “ASMR Sensitive Sounds - What Our Ears Don't Hear.” YouTube, YouTube, 20 Apr. 2019, www.youtube.com/watch?v=u0wLbnIBWIU.

An example of an interesting role-play/narrative in ASMR:
Angelica, director. 1300s A.D. ASMR~ Nun Takes Care of You In Bed {You Have the Plague} . YouTube, YouTube, 14 Sept. 2018, www.youtube.com/watch?v=Uk7acBVDHlQ.

[14] Artefact 1. Wildwoman by Neptune

[15] I can’t attest for everyone. Sometimes it’s used for sleep in which case it’s actually the opposite of being alert and aware – it’s more about the subconscious, fostering a feeling of safety and relaxation through the intimate nature of ASMR or the quality of the sounds.

[16] Schafer

[17] Deep Listening p.xxii

[18] Del Campo.

[19] Ibid.

[20] Ibid p.xxiii

[21] Gunden, Heidi Von. “The Theory of Sonic Awareness in the Greeting by Pauline Oliveros.” Perspectives of New Music, vol. 19, no. 1/2, 1980, doi:https://www.jstor.org/stable/832602.

[22] “U+2A00: N-ARY CIRCLED DOT OPERATOR.” Charbase, https://www.charbase.com/2a00-unicode-n-ary-circled-dot-operator.

[23] Ibid p.xxv

[24] Barad p10

3. Who Care? My Artefact

My virtual extensions of care (ASMR videos) serve as the theory themselves – each exploring and reconfiguring certain dynamics, combining different concepts and questions through the sonic and visual content. [1] As a collection, they represent a process, each video marks a point in the timeline of the development of ideas.

1. Wildwoman ASMR by Neptune 

A guided meditation involving visualisation, exploring the archetype of the wildwoman, with whispering, finger flutters and stroking. Intentions: relaxation, empowerment, and self-love.

I recorded the audio for this one a while ago, a variation on a story I have been working with for around 2 years. This was the starting point of my experimentation and I collected some responses on it which served as a foundation for the videos that followed.[1]

(The image that follows are comments I received from people I know)

2. Plant Care ASMR by Aurora - Russian, Soft-Spoken

Taking care of my plants - stroking, watering, speaking and humming to them, with a bit of whispering and tapping. This was created in response to questioning who the care is for, thinking about the lectures on thing-power, speculative fiction and reconfiguring relations. I chose to do it in Russian because I like the idea of reaching out to my native culture and because it’s triggering for some.[1]

I also think I would like to include another line of questioning in my project – care for more-than-humans. I came up with an exercise that could practice this – focusing on plant-life as one of the participants of a sound-as-touch exercise – what would singing to a blade of grass produce? Will it feel my care? Will I be able to perceive the affect of my voice onto it?[2]

3. Laptop ASMR + Deep Listening Exercise by Onyx

Sounds made with my laptop followed by a deep listening exercise in 2 parts, inspired by Pauline Oliveros. Part 1 of the exercise is about heightening your awareness in general, part 2 is about focusing on particular sounds and sequences.

After the 2nd artefact, I began to watch more videos and read the writings of Oliveros, von Gunden and Schafer, which culminated in this video. Still thinking about relations, I decided to do one for/with my laptop this time, to see what kind of sounds it could produce and what caring for it would do. The deep listening exercise was inspired by Schafer’s concept of the soundscape and von Gunden’s sonic awareness through its sonic arrangement, which invites the listener to listen deeply and focus on the sensations created. [3]

Closing thoughts – ASMR as a tool for survival

Tracing back to trauma as virus for a second, the concept of viruses also holds a dual nature – biological and technological. Virus as a way to corrupt systems, both flesh body and machine. How might we reclaim this technology, use it in a way that is useful for us? How can we use its seemingly inherent malicious nature? Care as a virus that infiltrates oppressive structures to attack the root cause – trauma. Virus as a trend, a popular movement, something that grows and reaches out. ASMR as virus??

ASMR can be considered a tool for care (both for the self and others), which is particularly important in the context of “the contemporary crisis of public care provision” in which “ASMR is a “coping mechanism within our digital, late capitalist condition … a self-soothing device amidst populations without healthcare, abandoned by the ‘maternal’ (though imperfect) hand of the ‘welfare state’”.[4] Framing it this way emphasises the power of ASMR as care, and thus of sound as touch, in the sense that we are finding our own tools for surviving the apocalypse through the use of technology. Through the editing style of my videos, I queer this touch technology of care.[5]

The layering and collaging of footage harkens back to a DIY ethos (e.g. zines) – a queer practice of creating our own narratives out of existing ones. Through adding a playful element, these ‘breaks’ in the seriousness of the videos, there is a suggestion of something else going on, but it doesn’t take away from the caring intention and bodily effects. This visual noise becomes a queer lens – obstructing and abstracting, opening up something else. [6] Creating a portal to a new world that already exists here - one that reveals itself everytime we are moved by an artwork, touched by a song, held in the arms of someone that makes us feel safe. The realm of harmony, of sympoiesis, is always within reach because it's inside us, all thats needed is an awareness of the present to see it reflected without, and a collective movement for it to illuminate the virus into a system we can all breathe within. 

It’s about using existing tech in a different way, integrating it into self-care as a way to deal with tech-phobia in an increasingly tech-centred society and way of life, and more importantly to provide empowerment in our current context, where the sources of technological advancement rely on the most powerful institutions, sustained on the general public not knowing what forces are at play (using our data without us knowing etc). ASMR is also a way to be present with tech. I think it's often taken for granted as a thing we're interacting with in itself, used mainly as a proxy for contact with other humans. It’s easy to forget that we are forging a relationship with technology too because it’s so integrated into our daily lives.  

Queer communities and other oppressed groups already know how to create their own tools and communities for survival, as they are more in touch with the apocalypse – they know firsthand what damage is caused by gender and sexuality as forms of controlling subjectivity, for example.[7]

“So yes, I am hopeful about the future and that is what Shadow Sistxrs is about; it is about being nourishing to a community, being optimistic and sharing techniques and skills to self-protect and for people to feel confident about themselves even though we are living in an inherently dystopian society. I think that if we can equip ourselves with the tools for healing within the framework of dystopia, then maybe we have a chance to rebuild this framework, but we can’t do it if we’re not equipped to survive.”[8]

It is true that the digital realm does not solve the issue of alienation or lack of connection, as Bellacasa states: “One thing seems sure in a finite world, that these new forms of connection produce as much copresence as they increase absence. They do not really reduce distance; they redistribute it.”[9] But we can use digital forms of care as a supplement, a stand-in for when intimacy is not possible, and to touch many people at once despite geography or time – you make 1 video and who knows how many people it can reach? Within one of these idea-capsules lies a portal of potentiality, a multiplicity of touches. It is a many-limbed organism, like a spider or a tentacled creature, eager to affect/provide affection, and weave a protective web from 1 heart to the next. A network of love as an antidote to the virus. It's not something you take, it's something that's activated within you, bypassing the material realm for an instant, global response.

How do we manage the massive volume of inter-species life the earth is currently sustaining? How do we connect and form a unified front during the apocalypse when there are so many of us fighting for survival? Cause that’s what our destruction is, it’s a twisted story of survival – one that causes mass-suffering and that will eventually kill us. but its not the same as the animal food chain – we are aware, and we know this isn’t necessary, we just aren’t taught to question the system, the regime.

What does harmony, coexistence, sympoeisis sound like? What is the song of this realm? What is the anthem of the survivors of the slow apocalypse? 

[1] I was born in Russia but grew up in England and The Netherlands, and as someone who is queer and non-binary, with my particular worldview and interests, I find it hard to relate to Russian culture and their perspective. I’m grateful everyday to have grown up in the west, considering the social climate in Russia (homophobic violence, transphobia, xenophobia, just to name a few). I want to create tools and art that can support my queer siblings in Russia, and speaking in Russian is just one way I thought to extend my care to them.

[2] The plants did seem perkier after and have been growing faster, but I did not think to measure the affects so who’s to say it was because of me. It’s also getting sunnier. But I did start to feel closer to them and now speak to them more regularly.

[3] This part of the video is without visuals and features a layering of different distinct sounds such as tapping, water running, scratching, but also features the soundscape of my living room – the sound of birds, hail, my neighbours become audible through a high quality sound recorder. This way I provide stimuli for alertness and a general awareness.

[4] Iossifidis, Miranda Jeanne Marie. “ASMR and the ‘Reassuring Female Voice’ in the Sound Art Practice of Claire Tolan.” Feminist Media Studies, vol. 17, no. 1, 2016, pp. 112–115., https://www.tandfonline.com/doi/full/10.1080/14680777.2017.1261463#

[5] Matters of Care, Bellacasa.

[6] For example in the plant video when 360 footage of plants is poorly ultra-keyed in the background, acting as a call for reintegrating into nature.

[7] Testo-Junkie, Preciado.

[8] Shadow Sistxrs is a self-defense workshop for women, non-binary people and QTIPoC. Walden, Romily Alice. “An Interview with Ayesha Tan Jones.” Berlin Art Link, 22 May 2018, www.berlinartlink.com/2018/05/22/ayesha-tan-jones-finds-hope-within-dystopia/.

[9] Ibid. p109

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